You said
"I want my salah to feel real again."
قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَٰلِكَ أَزْكَىٰ لَهُمْ
Qul lil-mu'minīna yaghuddū min abṣārihim
wa yaḥfaẓū furūjahum — dhālika azkā lahum
wa yaḥfaẓū furūjahum — dhālika azkā lahum
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze
and guard their private parts.
That is purer for them.
and guard their private parts.
That is purer for them.
An-Nur 24:30
الحمد لله
You stayed clean.